Johnny LaZebnik – Medium

Johnny LaZebnik

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Human Parts

I Didn’t Steal a Child on Tuesday

I am 25 and it is 9:42 pm on a Tuesday. I am sitting in a Los Angeles subway station, which exists. I missed the train and the next is in…

Sep 18, 2020

Little boy on an empty subway platform.

Sep 18, 2020

The Eyrie

A fairytale.

Jun 21

The Eyrie

Jun 21

“Are You My Therapist?”

A picture book for the special guy in your life.

Nov 21, 2023

“Are You My Therapist?”

Nov 21, 2023

The Princess and the Thicket

A surprisingly earnest fairytale.

Aug 14, 2023

The Princess and the Thicket

Aug 14, 2023

The Aristocrats, As Written by Madeline Miller

DISCLAIMER: This story contains vile sexual acts, and is not for the faint of heart. It is a parody of a classic joke, and is not intended…

Dec 14, 2022

The Aristocrats, As Written by Madeline Miller

Dec 14, 2022

Who’s On First, As Written By Emily St. John Mandel

“So… who’s on first?”

Jun 13, 2022

Who’s On First, As Written By Emily St. John Mandel

Jun 13, 2022

Some Ruminations on Dating, After Six Years Without a Boyfriend

the last few years, i’ve been more interested in new year’s reflections than resolutions. and since i’ve now been single in los angeles…

Dec 29, 2021

Some Ruminations on Dating, After Six Years Without a Boyfriend

Dec 29, 2021

33 Actually Good Questions to Ask on a First Date

My friend Liz Roche and I realized there was a problem — when we went on first dates, we had questions that we tended to ask, but we…

May 26, 2021

33 Actually Good Questions to Ask on a First Date

May 26, 2021

Dear [REDACTED]

A letter to a boy I do not know.

Jan 4, 2021

Dear [REDACTED]

Jan 4, 2021

Johnny LaZebnik

Johnny LaZebnik

Johnny LaZebnik is a television writer based in Los Angeles, California. Follow him @jlazebnik on socials or visit http://johnnylazebnik.substack.com for more!

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