Some Ruminations on Dating, After Six Years Without a Boyfriend

the last few years, i’ve been more interested in new year’s reflections than resolutions. and since i’ve now been single in los angeles for 6 years, i decided to write down some of my thoughts on dating. i hope you find solace in them.

1. love and logic rarely run together and you can’t force them to. you may cry over someone totally wrong for you and feel nothing for someone perfect for you on paper.
2. there are some people who simply make you act crazy. that doesn’t mean they’re “bad” people but… stay away from them. the person who gives you crazy eyes is not your soulmate.
3. men do not know how to ask questions.
4. sometimes the price of directness is the loss of intrigue.
5. never send a text you wouldn’t put into a powerpoint entitled “the situation was escalating but i handled it with aplomb.”
6. your body knows when it is being bullshitted.
7. if the majority of your confidantes are like “girl, you’re in a bad situation” girl… you’re probably in a bad situation.
8. men really and truly do not know how to ask questions.
9. the worst person you know is probably engaged and that’s not fair. however, the person they are engaged to probably also sucks ass. so remember that before you get jealous.
10. for the love of god: run your emotionally-charged text to your ex by the groupchat first.
11. you may not communicate in the way that someone else wants or needs you to. that is a difference in compatibility, not a personality flaw.
12. related: “needy” is always relative to the person using it. and those who wield it like a weapon should be avoided.
13. we are all at different levels of comfort with romance, so congratulate yourself when you do something that was hard — even if it’s a typical tuesday for someone else.
14. that man who always flirts with you but is in a relationship would leave it if he really wanted to.
15. NEVER DATE SOMEONE YOU WOULDN’T WANT AS AN EX.
16. sending petty texts is appropriating tween culture. instead, do what adults do (listen to pop punk in the shower).
17. never date someone whose friends suck.
18. when you’ve been single for a long time, hope can feel terrifying.
19. deleting all the photos of you with your ex is weird. keeping them up is also kinda weird. there’s no good way to do a breakup on instagram so stop judging how other people do it.
20. sex is essentially just asking questions with your body and listening for the other person’s answers. this is why men are bad at sex.